She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
