There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
