so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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