He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
