Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
