My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
