I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
