Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
