that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
