Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
