i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
