why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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