So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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