And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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