She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
