Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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