I bet he comes in French.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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