Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize