Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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