a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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