Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
