fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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