I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
