help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
home. puking in laundry basket.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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