She's JV to your varsity
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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