My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
