so that wasnt chicken after all
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
