We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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