Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
