Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
