dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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