White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
