Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
