she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
