So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
