When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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