i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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