I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
