Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
