I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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