a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
