I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize