At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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