Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
