dude i'm inner monologue high
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
