Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
