Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
