We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
