Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize