I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The Olympian is in my bed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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