there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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