I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
