eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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