i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You have to summon your inner elephant
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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