shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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