Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
