Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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