Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
