batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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