im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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