i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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