i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
