Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I smell stomach acid.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
