Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You pole danced in your parka.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
