I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
