Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize