Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
