Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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