I will die if light touches me.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
