i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
