my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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