Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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