I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
