When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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