all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
