Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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