Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
