I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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