I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
