I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
