we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
