I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
