I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize