I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
