is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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