And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
