gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
