We named our party play list daddy issues
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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