Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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