U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
