I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
