You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
