Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
