I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
