I seem to have left my pride at pride
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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