Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
