there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
